i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
