Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you inspire me to be a worse person
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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