he wants to bone in the snuggie
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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