A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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