That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
