i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
