idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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