you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
