I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
