Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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