My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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