I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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