I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Green mimosas i think yes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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