??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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