What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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