Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
