I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
