Betty ford says i'm here all night
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
