I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
