the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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