I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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