someone threw a dead crab at me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
