with your own penis?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had to cum in my sink.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
