beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
