I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
