i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
did you just send me my own nude
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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