You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
