I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
