I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
