I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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