My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just invented taco cereal.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
