We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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