dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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