Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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