my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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