kristin has been a bad kristin
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
