Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
