Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
