Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
