His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
