Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
