I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
