I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
