The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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