Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
