New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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