If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
