so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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