his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
