I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
