you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
