I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
