Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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