Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i think im in europe. pls send help
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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